What Does an Ephesians 5 Husband Look Like in the Real World?
A Quick Note Before We Dive In
Please remember that these are ideals to grow toward, not a checklist to judge against.
If your marriage doesn't look like this right now, that's okay. These are simply my thoughts on how an Ephesians 5 husband might live in our modern world.
And if your husband does embody all of these qualities? Please leave a comment and encourage the rest of us!
I'm slightly obsessed with reading Proverbs 31. It feels a bit trendy in the online Christian world, but I think things are popular for a reason... look at bread, for example. When I read Proverbs 31, I think that if I could embody every bit of that passage, my life would be elevated almost instantly.
But here's where my brain always goes: if Proverbs 31 is the blueprint for godly women, then Ephesians 5 feels like the male alternative. I don't know if this is a common connection, but that's where my mind lands. While I've spent a lot of personal thought on how a Proverbs 31 woman lives in today's world, I find it harder to imagine how an Ephesians 5 husband would actually act on a normal Tuesday afternoon.
Ephesians 5:21-33 - Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands
When most people hear "Ephesians 5 husband," they often think of outdated gender roles or male dominance (I know I did). But when you actually dive into what Paul wrote, you discover something radically different – a call for men to love like Christ loved the church. That's not about power or control. That's about sacrifice, service and selfless devotion.
What's expected from men would astound sceptics who think Christian marriage is based on female servitude. Men are expected to act like Christ, and what did Christ do for His Church? He literally sacrificed his own life. That's an incredibly high calling.
So what does this actually look like when the dishes need washing and the kids are fighting? Let's get practical.
He's Learning to Lead by Serving First
An Ephesians 5 husband is growing toward becoming someone who doesn't bark orders from the sofa. He's working on being the first one up in the morning making coffee, the one who notices when his wife is overwhelmed and jumps in without being asked. Christ washed his disciples' feet – the most humble act of service. A godly husband is learning to follow that example.
This means he's paying attention. He notices when she's had a rough day and suggests ordering takeout. He sees that the laundry is piling up and starts a load. He doesn't keep score or expect praise – he serves because he loves. Not what most people would expect, but it's quite clearly in the scripture.
He's Growing in Listening More Than He Talks
"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church." Christ knew his people intimately – their fears, hopes, and dreams. An Ephesians 5 husband is learning to be genuinely curious about his wife's inner world. He's working on asking questions and actually listening to the answers.
When she's sharing about her day, he's growing in putting down his phone. When she's processing a problem, he's learning not to immediately jump to solutions – sometimes she just needs to be heard. He's creating space for her thoughts and feelings without judgment.
He's Taking Responsibility for His Own Growth
Christ was perfect, but earthly husbands aren't. An Ephesians 5 husband is learning to own his mistakes, apologize genuinely and actively work on becoming a better man. He's growing in not blaming his wife for his bad moods or expecting her to manage his emotions.
He's pursuing God on his own – reading scripture, praying, seeking wise counsel. He understands that loving like Christ requires him to be growing into Christ's likeness and that's his responsibility, not hers.
He's Learning to Make Decisions Together
While Ephesians talks about headship, it's preceded by a call for mutual submission (verse 21). An Ephesians 5 husband is growing toward not making unilateral decisions that affect the family. He's learning to value his wife's wisdom, seek her input and work toward consensus.
When they disagree, he's working on not pulling the "I'm the head of the house" card. He prays about it, discusses it further and sometimes realizes she's right. He's growing in being secure enough in his identity in Christ that he doesn't need to prove his authority.
He's Growing in Protecting Her Heart
Christ gave himself up for the church. An Ephesians 5 husband is learning to be willing to sacrifice for his wife's wellbeing – not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. He's working on guarding his marriage against anything that would harm it.
This means he's growing in being careful about relationships with other women, mindful of what he watches or reads and intentional about speaking life over his wife rather than criticism. He's learning to protect their relationship from his own selfishness and outside pressures.
He Sets the Atmosphere in the Home
Christ brought peace wherever he went. An Ephesians 5 husband is learning that he has tremendous influence over the mood and atmosphere of his home. When he walks through the door stressed and grumpy, everyone feels it. When he chooses joy and peace, that spreads too.
He's growing in not letting his bad day at work become everyone else's problem. He's learning to take a moment to reset before engaging with his family. He speaks life over his household – encouraging words, gentle responses and choosing not to escalate when tensions are high. He understands that as the spiritual leader, his emotional temperature often sets the tone for everyone else.
He's Learning to Point Her to Jesus
He's learning not to try to be perfect or expect perfection from her. When they both mess up (and they will), he's working on pointing them both back to the grace found in Christ.
He's growing in praying with her and for her. He encourages her relationship with God. He's learning to create an environment where both of them can grow in faith together.
The Beautiful Reality (And the Grace for the Journey)
Here's what's beautiful about Ephesians 5 – when a husband is growing in loving this way and a wife feels increasingly cherished and supported, mutual respect and partnership naturally flourish. It's not about power struggles or keeping each other in line. It's about two people committed to loving like Jesus and serving each other.
I also bet that women married to husbands who are genuinely pursuing this path eagerly submit and follow his lead because they feel safe being led by him and secure in knowing he's taking his role very seriously.
But let's be real – no husband lives this out perfectly, and this isn't a checklist to judge your marriage against. These are ideals to grow toward, not standards to condemn with. Marriage is two imperfect people learning to love like Jesus together. Some days will be better than others. Some seasons will show more growth than others.
If you're reading this and thinking "my husband doesn't do any of this," that's okay. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Prayer, patience and grace are all part of the process. God can do amazing things in marriages when we surrender them to Him.
This kind of marriage becomes a living picture of Christ's love for his people. And in a world full of broken relationships, that's a powerful testimony.
The call to be an Ephesians 5 husband isn't easy – it requires dying to self daily. But it's also one of the most rewarding ways a man can live out his faith. Because when you love like Christ loves, you get to participate in something beautiful and eternal.
A Prayer for Your Marriage Journey
If this post has stirred something in your heart – whether it's hope, conviction, or a desire to see growth in your marriage – prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have. Sometimes we need to lift our husbands up in prayer, asking God to work in their hearts and help them grow into the men He's called them to be.
Remember, change happens in God's timing and through His grace. We can't force transformation, but we can faithfully pray for it.